Something I wrote in my notebook on the airplane ride back from Israel (1-12, 10:49 a.m./5:49 p.m.):

See it might suck
for the second party
but I'm not going to get involved
unless I get dragged
kicking
because I don't like what happens
every time I'm interested.

You ever wish you had acted on something you thought?

I definitely should have kicked harder.

If drinking and hitting double digits on the RFR season 3 finale is a low point, I think I've lost track of the highs...

So you remember that part where I said I ran? Maybe it's not as easy as I thought. It's only been what? Two days? I'm missing it already. That's just natural weaning I suppose. Aaaany case.

I don't think I can say enough good things about The O.C. It's like RFR in the off season, except with delinquent 20-year-olds playing the high schoolers. The dialogue is spicy and the characters are actually fleshed out. Maybe it's trash, but it's good trash - trash that I'm stronly considering getting on DVD. Yeah... I'm that into it.

Deal.

Between watching Sunday's deconstruction of the Steelers and reading this: Brady Bed-ridden Night Before Title Game, I've concluded that Tom Brady is the pinnacle of human athleticism.

Well, Lance Armstrong coming back from testicular cancer to win six consecutive Tour de France races was pretty impressive, too.

But I mean, come on. If this was Derek "I date all of A-Rod's rejects (or would if he weren't married)" Jeter, Skankee fans would have erected a shrine by now. Really.

And Carlos Delgado is a sellout - for $1 million and an option year he goes to the Fish! Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

K... I'm done.

I've added a new permalink down there in the left-hand column to yoco: College Basketball. It's a College Basketball blog run by Yoni Cohen that's pretty comprehensive. I think I'll be a regular visitor to keep up so I can flesh out my knowledge of the men's game, which will be a boon to my coverage of the Tar Heels this season for the Daily Tar Heel. It's a great resource - take advantage.

A haiku I write
to sate the savage hunger
of one who wants more.

So there's an inherent problem in posting personal information on the Internet, and that's the problem of easy access. Names get mentioned, people read things and feelings get hurt. You can attack the problem three ways: not posting, not caring or writing vaguely. Usually I choose the latter, because occasionally, while riffing on situations, I'll write something profound. But more often than not I'll keep those writings to myself, which kind of sucks for you guys, but keeps life a little more drama free than it would be otherwise. I don't know what you've come to expect from reading the blog here (no comments, slackers!), but I hope it's not terribly uninteresting.

At this point - provided you've reached it - I'm kind of hoping you're wondering what prompted me to pop off like that. True to form (i.e. it's going to be vague) I'm not divulging names or even really outlining the situation. Suffice it to say that I have a habit - a well-established pattern of behavior even - of involving myself in complicated situations that aren't healthy for me in the head. And I've done it again. Usually, I let these things drag out for long periods of time and they're deeply scarring. It makes it progressively harder to let myself go the next time. Then somehow it inevitably happens again and I'm in deep like I am now.

But I think I might have actually learned a lesson somewhere in between the last one and this current situation. I'm going to run. Far, far away. And it's going to suck at first, and not just for me, but it's going to be better in the long run - maybe only for me. But at some point, that's who I've got to start looking out for. Because I'm starting to get tired of always looking out for everyone else's feelings. I'm good at it. I can see every side of an issue (even the ones that might not be there) and weigh each out and then I do whatever's going to work. I'm a great team player. I'm great at knowing when to defer. And that works out, because I don't really like the spotlight. I enjoy watching other people get their shine, mainly because it means the Eye is off me. Maybe I've just got low self-esteem. Sometimes I think my cockiness stems from other people's praise. If everyone else keeps blowing me up on certain points, then that's gotta be stuff I can take to the bank.

I've seen a lot of life. I haven't seen a lot of it either. I'll be honest on both points, if it ever comes up. It's a hard thing to deal with. It's really the thing I deal with, I guess. Because I find people on either end of the spectrum that I can connect with, but I don't really feel like anyone is gonna connect with me on all points. That's the tricky part. Because I lose interest in people who are more naive than I am, and I feel inadequate around people who've experienced more than I have. I guess it stems from believing that my circumstances growing up were unique. Just this huge mish-mash of cross-sections that never congealed into anything of substance.

These last two situations have been on the extremes of that spectrum of experience, the first naiveity, the second worldliness. Maybe it says something about me that (at least I think) I'm running away from this one. Maybe it says that I'm a big coward who's just deferring the spotlight again, because it's the easiest thing to do. Maybe I just don't want to keep feeling like I've been burned by life.

From the notebooks (1/24/04):

You need to learn to settle for less, because if you find the perfect girl, you'll only be disappointed when she isn't.

I wrote "Motto" next to that.

363 days later, I don't know that I disagree with myself.

Don't these UT kids have a rodeo to watch or something?

Just Lose It - The Asian Video Remix

I can't decide how I feel about the following article, written by Ben Stein: Do Jews Run Hollywood? You Bet They Do - And What of it?

It's obviously defending the position of Jews is Hollywood, but the tone is kind of condescending. You'd think from the title that the article would be satire, but in actuality, Stein methodically goes through a series of points to prove that, yes, Jews do run Hollywood. Maybe that's the way to attack the casual anti-Semitism that Stein claims drives the view, but it seems to me like it's an alienating position to take. Were I not Jewish and came across this article, I might well have finished reading (assuming I got through the whole piece) with an image of Jews as a bunch of cocky fuckers on top who cry about not getting enough respect. Yankee fans, anyone? I mean really, if there was one group of people I, as a raging Mets fan, would not like to be associated with, even analogously, it's those damn Yankees.

Annnyhow... that's today's early morning two cents.

This one's for the haters.

Bill Simmons, in his recent "Behind the Bench" column, writes the following:

5. With the Blazers in danger of getting blown out in the second half, Cheeks threw Sebastian Telfair out there ... and he turned the game around. I loved this kid. Seriously. Unbelievable vision in the open court, unstoppable off the dribble, surprisingly good defensively, and best of all, his teammates really respond to him. Sure, he can't shoot yet, and he needs to finish his drives better. But he's no bust. I can't even imagine what this kid would have done in college this year.

Bassy. I been talking shit about the kid for a reason. I called him going lottery - ask Sean or Sash - and I'm sayin this now: The Starbury Remix era is upon us. Bring it.

Brooklyn, whut!

UNC alum and Ex-DTHer Jamie Agin has been gallavanting around cyberspace for several months as The Intern on Bill Simmons' Web site. In compiling the Daily Links, he came across the following site: The Office Attachments Awards.

I can't vouch for the hilarity of all of these, but I must admit "The Drunk Test" was a classic. However, IT DOESN"T HOLD A CANDLE to the "Mastercard" video. I can't stress this enough. I almost peed myself. Or likely would have had my body not stopped functioning out of mirthful shock. Absolutely must be watched. I'm adamant about this. Deal with it.

A faaaan-tastic quote from The Daily Show's America (The Book):

Before 1920, women used to call Election Day "Stay Home and Cook Day."

Though they won't admit it, women were much happier when all they had to do was bake shit and pump out kids. (127)

This Collegehumor.com post is fitting for the holiday, and a scathing bit of satire writing:

Got MLK? ... Jr.

Enjoy.

Yea ... so I'm back from Birthright. It's a crazy trip, that one. 4 1/2 hours sleep a night for two weeks in another country as part of a pack of 180 kids (over 3,000 roaming the country total) isn't going to be much of anything else. I'm too jumbled right now to give a full analysis or anything - jet lag knocked me out at 10 p.m. last night and the only reason I know what events happened when is because I wrote them down. I'll catch you kids up to speed (in segments?) at some point.

Classes started yesterday. Shouldn't be too bad - a technicality got me bounced from sportswriting, so now the semester's going to be more second-term senior-ish. The basketball team looks pretty nasty. Andy Katz jacked my boy Dan Blank's ACC wrap-up theory, except Katz posted it to ESPN.com, because he's Andy Katz and that's what he does. I just want my free tickets to St. Louis.

Barbershop updates coming soon. Be easy.