An explanation of last night's comment:

A play of mine (Feelin' It) was read by Studio 2, and was well-received. I found out I'll be covering the Mets and Skankees (sorry... couldn't resist) this summer for MLB.com. Things are going well with the ladies. I have Dean Smith and Eric Montross' cell phone numbers. I'm a celebrity within the Hillel community after my latest D'var Freestyle (High (In)fidelity)and was recommended several times to write a book. Basically, things are just falling into place. It's unreal and surreal and all those other cliches that these things are supposed to be. If it wasn't for schoolwork, I'd be completely on top of my game. (You know, like usual ;-D )

When everything's going too well to be believed, is it normal to not believe it?

A belated note from Tallahassee:

I picked up a copy of The Tallahassee Democrat for some post-Super Bowl coverage, and in browsing through came across the following (which I swear I'm not making up) in the paper's Annie's Mailbox advice column:

Dear Annie: I am a 35-year-old woman with four children, an advanced degree and no serious health problems, but I have compulsively and secretly been eating crayons for months. I don't mean chewing on a crayon here and there. I mean eating an entire 64-count box, and doing it several times a week. I can't stop, and I don't know why i'm doing this.

I am too embarrassed to tell my doctor, because I know he'll think I am crazy. The box says the crayons are nontoxic, but I'm really eating a lot of them. And this is a really dumb quuestion, but are they fattening? Why am I doing this? Am I crazy? Please help. -- Crayon Freak

At this point, do I even need to post Annie's response?

Tallahassee is a weird town.

A Backtalk shout-out to the lil' bro:

Squrred... if you were in Virginia, you'd be short mad cash. Buy a belt.

In today's Shinebox on the Sports Guy's World a reader sent in an e-mail that was all German. I decided to put my accumulated knowledge of the language (4 months in Berlin and all) to use and translate (roughly) for all of you (with an assist from the effervescent Joshua Corn):

Name: Stephen L.
College: Moody Bible Institue, 2003
Location: Chicago, IL
Current job: Singer

Oompha-auf! I got nothin. Stehen sie hier, und nur hier! Stop (direct: Stand) here, and only here! Ja! Du kannst meinen guten Freund sein! Yes! You can be my good friend!

Guten Tag, Herr Sport Mann. Ich heisse Stephen, und ich habe die, um, Ambition, deine naechste Intern zu sein. Hello, Mr, Sports Guy. My name is Stephen, and I have the, um, ambition, to be your next Intern.

Was kann ich machen? What can I do (dir: make)? Ich kann Deutsch sprechen, und das ist alles! I can speak German, and that is all! Ich kann keine andere Dinge machen, weil ich in Dresden geboren war, und ich hasse die Vereignten Staaten der Amerika. I can do no other things, because I was born in Dresden and I hate the United States of America.

Aber warum bin ich heir in Amerika, man sollte fragen? But why am I here in America, someone might ask?

WEIL DEUTSCHLAND UEBER ALLES SEIN MUESSEN! Because Germany must be over all! JA WOHL! WIR SPRECHEN HIER SEHR LAUT, UND DAS IST ALLES, DAS WIR MACHEN KOENNEN! Yea, probably! We speak very loud, and that is all, that we can do! ICH HASSE GEORG BUSH! ICH HASSE KORBBALL! DIRK NOWITZKI KANN EINE GROSSE SCHLANGE ESSEN! I hate George Bush! I hate basketball! Dirk Nowitzki can eat a large sausage (of the metaphorical variety)!

Okay, und das ist alles, das ich habe. Hoffentlich wirst du mich the naechste Intern machen! Okay, and that is all, that I have. Hopefully you make me become the next Intern!

Tschuess, Later,
Klaus

Wow... that's all I've got for the last 24 hours. I've run quite the emotional gamut here. Turns out, I am in fact going to Hartford to cover the UConn game. Details when I'm back. Later kids.

Whutup, y'all? I'm finally settled in - a day after getting back from Tallahassee and passing out at 10 p.m. (That's got to be some kind of record for my four years at UNC) after watching my DVRed Point Pleasant and Numb3rs. Good times right there. I think my article came out pretty well. Of course, it can't really be bad if I got to describe a Rashad McCants dunk as "manhood depriving."

As for the Super Bowl, the Iggles pretty much shot themselves in the foot by running out the clock on their second-to-last drive. That's what it comes down to for me. And I'm officially adopting TO as my favorite football player who everyone else hates. 9 catches for 122, all with two screws in his foot. Word.

After watching tonight's D-III game on ESPN2, I will go out on a limb and say that, regardless of actual practice, Aden Stinebrickner-Kauffman of Grinnell University (coincidentally my parents' alma mater) has to be the most Jewish athlete in the history of athletic sport.

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com Page 2's erstwhile Sports Guy, is having a contest to replace my boy Jamie Agin a/k/a The Intern. Knowing Jamie sort of helps, but actually severely limits my chances, being that I'm also 21, white and from the same school. Any case, the general way it works is that all interested applicants submit a 200-400 word essay on why they should be the next Sports Guy Intern. Here's mine (parts of which might be appearing on the Sports Guy's World next week under the category of "Extremely bitter fans from Brooklyn." You'll know which when you read them.):

One sentence: Because the initial Sports Guy Intern was a Tar Heel, you are morally obligated to keeping the job in the North Carolina "family," which has now expanded into the realm of sports writing.

A reason: I can bring the element of frustrated fan back into the Sports Guy's World. I grew up in Brooklyn, as a fan of the Mets, Knicks and Giants. I should note that I tried to keep up with the Rangers at one point, but I think it's only possible to follow two of the worst-managed teams in the last decade of sport at any given time. So before I popped an embolism in my brain, I let the Rangers loose. As a result, I'm glad to report that I did not, in fact, drown mid-backstroke during my 500th lap at the Y.

The Scott Layden era will loom over the Knicks until Allan Houston's knees disintegrate to the point that he can no longer pick up his paycheck. The Mets, for all their spending this off-season, are still the Mets. I love 'em, but did they really guarantee Pedro a fourth year? And do I even have to mention that they traded ***** ****** (name withheld for sake of own sanity) for an injured Victor Zambrano? INJURED! They couldn't get a HEALTHY mediocre pitcher for the top left-handed pitching prospect in baseball! And as for the Giants, well, maybe Eli is another Manning and will follow Patrick Ewing's ringless finger in the direction of chokerville.

(Maybe that was harsh. But maybe Ewing shouldn't have missed that potentially game-tying finger roll in Game Seven of the 1995 Eastern Conference Finals, breaking my 12-year-old heart and leaving me blubbering in the car. Did he ever think about that? Hmmm?)

A random note: I'll spill over my words telling the story of how I managed to get the Knicks $25 million under the salary cap in one year of ESPN NBA 2k5's Association mode. Suffice it to say it involved a three-way trade with Orlando and Portland. Details available upon request ...

... Okay, I can't hold out. I gave up Allan Houston, Kurt Thomas and Moochie Norris to receive Theo Ratliff, Damon Stoudamire and Nick Van Exel - along with their expiring contracts. Grant Hill went to Portland along the way. This trade made me giddy for a week. Ask my roomate.