Whutup kids? My boy Jason (a co-worker at B&N) alerted me to the fact that he also publishes a blog -- The J Way -- and I caught a shout out there last week. Y'all should check it out. He's an interesting dude with a lot to say about topics like life in NYC, being vegan, astrology, gardening and a whole slew of things I'm not thinking of at the moment. Enjoy.

P.S.
A word to the Firefox users: My comp displayed his blog funny, so you might have to suck it up like I did and use IE to peruse.

Though it'll be worth it.

I can't believe I just recommended IE over Firefox, in whatever context. Gag me with a spoon.

It's on.

The Laminated List Fantasy Draft is officially official.

Finished.

I'm I think I've finally knocked out the kinks in the LLFD site, and all that's left is to update some exceptionally minor info on Juan's page before the Monday release date.

My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed. I'm counting sheep and running out, but I think that last one is coming back around. I'm gonna chase his ass down either way.

This is what building this site has done to me.

So the fine folks at Nike sent me the following ad for Michael Jordan's new sneaker, the Jordan XXI, in the mail:


I decided to respond my making one of these on my own:

So I was sitting next to this young (early 20s) Asian couple on the train this morning, and I was about to throw up all over myself at the lovey-dovey Asian-English language flip-flopping flirtatious back-and-forth as the girl attempted to explain the palm reading she was performing on herself and the guy. Really, I realized I was just jealous that I wasn't that guy.

But then the guy finally leaves after this drawn out goodbye that almost leaves him stuck on the train past his stop. And I'm getting all into Another Country (which was in the free bin at B&N. Holla.) as we're starting to pass over the bridge, and I hear a sniffle. And then another. And another -- in that ragged-ass, unable to breathe kinda way, and I realize this girl is actually weeping. On the Q train. I can't really catch her eye to confirm, cuz she's a little hunched over, and she pulls out a digicam and starts browsing photos. The breaths quicken and all I want to do is ask this chick if everything's okay, but I can't. And it would've been nobly intentioned -- she wasn't terribly attractive, just devastated.

But I couldn't do it.

I thought it like 20 times, then 20 more and 20 more while I thought about those 20. I kept rationalizing. Maybe she's got a cold. Maybe she's just breathing funny. You wanna know the clincher? I didn't have a tissue to offer. Because that would have be the proper step. To ask the question and offer a tissue to blow her nose in. And I didn't, so I couldn't bring myself to ask the question without being able to follow it.

The door opened there would be terrible. Would she have to explain? I'd be obliged to listen at that point. What if she just had discovered he had been cheating, and faked her way through that final conversation knowing the entire time that was goodbye goodbye, then reminisced her way through that photo set. Or maybe one of the two was moving. What prompts that? How does one feel that emotion? What if she wasn't even crying? What then? Then how awkward is the random, unprompted "Are you all right?"

But I didn't ask, and we won't know. Maybe we never could have. I don't think I'm as nice as I believe myself to be. Fuck.

I thought I'd be tired after a 13-hour day at Barnes and Noble, but my body woke up, which is so far from awesome it's not even funny. I had an idea today:

First, to send in a half-truth to PostSecret, one that I'd considered many a time, but have realized is clearly not the case. (I have a specific one in mind, but I'm not giving it up.) Then wait for a response that it was life-altering, and send in a second secret, revealing that I'd sent in a false secret that changed someone's life.

That's a fucked-up power to have. I feel like it would unravel the whole spirit of the site. Start a controversy too, over which secret it was and who sent it. That's a whole can of worms, knowing for certain there could be lies up there. Unless you doubt the veracity of the secret claiming the previous one was false. You could get into all kinds of circular logic here.

These are the thoughts running through my head that make me wonder if I'm a bad person.

Because I'm going to follow through on this one.

Below are several new rulings for the LLFD. Be aware that a Rule Book will be part of the forthcoming site. This is for reference to keep y'all posted. Edirs are in italics.

The Starting Six

1. At any given time, one's active Laminated List must contain one:
1. Film Actress
2. TV Actress/Personality
1. A TV Personality is either a show host or reality show participant.
3. Musician
4. Model
5. Media Personality/Athlete
1. Anyone who asks questions or participates in sports shown on ESPN or ESPN2 as part of their job.
6. Taster's Choice
   

The Bench

1. At any given time, one's bench must contain:
1. Taster's Choice
2. A Plus-37 MILF
1. Only if none of the Starting Six qualify, otherwise this reverts to a Taster's Choice pick.
3. Under-21 Keeper
4. Under-18 Keeper
   

Models

1. Will be defined as:
1. Women who model for a living, and are known primarily in that context.
2. This includes:
1. Video Vixens
1. Women who often appear in music videos, because if they are prominent enough they will be appearing in the men's magazines.
3. They will always be able to fall back on this status if doing nothing else.
4. However, if they get caught up in something else (usually Film), Model status shall be revoked.
1. Unless they are clearly a supermodel, as defined by a one-name recognizability test of participating friends.
2. Example:
1. Tyra Banks will have model status as long as she keeps doing Victoria's Secret ads.
2. Normally, if she stopped, she would be only a Media Personality.
3. However, one applies the one-name recognizability test:
1. If one says "Tyra" it's clear who you're talking about, and chances are, it's not because of the talk show.
2. Thusly, Tyra retains Model status.
   

Television Eligibility

1. Anyone currently on a TV show, of or intended to be season-length, whether said show is in-season or not.
1. Cancellation or series closure negates this status once the next TV season begins.
2. Examples:
1. Sofia Vergara is triple eligible as a Model, Film and TV Actress because of her ABC show, Hot Properties ( for now, even though it was recently cancelled).
   

Scoring

1. If one scores with a woman on their bench:
1. They must forfeit one Taster's Choice bench selection.
2. If one scores with a woman who does not appear on any relevant list, but is acknowledged to be "of list potential" by participating friends:
1. That person gains the right to an additional two redraft keepers.
2. These can be held and used during multiple redrafts.
   

BPP

1. If one sleeps with a woman currently on someone else's bench, the BPP is enacted for half of its normal duration. ( e.g. 2 1/2 years)

My bad streaks wipe the floor with most people's good ones. But Got damn they are frustrating. Something is going to come of something. This, this I can say with certainty.

Meaning nothing all the while.

Time's passing with some fucking quickness. It's almost March. I've been at B&N for three months. Baseball season's almost starting. March Madness is soon. It's a crazy time. I don't know what I'm saying.

I'm too good not to make any of this work. If it does, I'm gonna have great stories. But if it doesn't, I'll still have the stories, and I'll have to take solace in that.

I had a great random story idea the other day. It's more screenplay-ish really. Gotta run with it and see where it goes. That hasn't happened in a while.

I'm going to bed.

Things I arbirtarily decided today while composing the LLFD Web site:

1. Models
   1. Will be defined as:
      1. Women who model for a living, and are known primarily in that context.
   2. They will always be able to fall back on this status if doing nothing else.
   3. However, if they get caught up in something else (usually Film), Model status shall be revoked.
      1. Example:
         1. Tyra Banks will have model status as long as she keeps doing Victoria's Secret ads.
         2. If she stops, then she is only a Media Personality.

1. Television Eligibility
   1. Anyone currently on a TV show, of or intended to be season-length, whether said show is in-season or not.
      1. Cancellation or series closure negates this status.
   2. Also, the former leads of shows in syndication qualify.
      1. The reason for this is that syndication means there were at least 100 episodes, and often establishes a celebrity's stardom.
   3. Examples:
      1. Sofia Vergara is triple eligible as a Model, Film and TV Actress because of her ABC show, Hot Properties.
      2. Jessica Alba no longer qualifies because Dark Angel was cancelled after two seasons.
      3. Jennifer Aniston counts because Friends is widely syndicated.

Several other decisions are close to coming down. The Web site is coming along. It's grunt work at this point, but it's getting there. Gimme a weekend.

I'm officially ridiculous. Officially.

My love life follows suit.

The LLFD Web site is officially under construction. Officially.

The world does not know what it is about to get into.

Phone call from Sasha
Thursday, Feb. 9, 4:45 pm

"DAMN IT, jackass, you need to be here — I'm calling you. Anyway, what I wanted to say was: I've been thinking a lot about, you know, 'Proposition 25' a/k/a 'Operation Brokeback Drafting.' And, uhm, I wanted to change my vote. It's no longer 'No.'

"It's now, 'It really doesn't matter what the rest of you vote because I'm not doing it and neither are you guys, and if you decide to do it I'm not participating any more.' That's my vote.

"Because now, listen, it has nothing to do with the man thing or any of that. It has to do with the fact that the Laminated List Fantasy Draft has one precipice here: It hinges upon the entire idea that we can actually have sex with the people on this list. So if you add this little, you know, this 'interesting proposal' as you called it, to the mix, it just brings this whole thing to … now you're going to have sex with Brad Pitt if you choose him, you know what I'm sayin'?

"This man crush — where do you draw the line? Where does it stop? I don't know — I'm confused by it. I feel like if my goal to have sex with everyone on my list, and there's a man on my list, then my goal changes slightly. Yeah. So, anyway, do you get the gist of what I'm saying to you? Please call me back at any time. Have a nice evening. Buddy."

PS
As per instructions, cuz I'ma hold it down for Nat:

Daiisychic: hey hun.... my school is doing some stupid thing..... sooooo can you please vote.... for me that is.. lol... and they it to allllllllllllllll your friends.. bc anyone can vote.. http://www.campusvixen.com
Daiisychic: Just go to Vote now... and then.... say.. VOTE FOR THE BRUNETTE IN THE RED DRESS

In the event any of you don't know by now, I was out of commission this weekend while recovering from LASEK eye surgery. (i.e. I no longer wear glasses, bitches) There are updates to come regarding the LLFD, including an exceptional and HI-larious phone message from Sasha that pretty much obliterates "Proposition 25."

After these messages (i.e. my reading vision stopping with the blurriness) I'll be right back.

Word to ABC Saturday mornings.

You know you whistled along when you read that.

To the one person who knows:

Fuck you for being right.

But thanks for telling me.

This one might take a while to let go.

We might have recruited a sixth person, and a Super Bowl discussion fueled by females led to the proposal of a "heterosexual man crush" category, though I think Michelle initially phrased it as "Guy I'd go gay for". It's being considered, just for the sheer awkwardness of everyone knowing that pick is looming over the final round. And you know there'd be one guy to draft Brad Pitt three rounds from the end "just to be safe". That moment is when you really find out who your friends are.

P.S.
If it weren't for schedules, I'd probably have actually gone out with one of these girls I keep meeting/talking to. My social life is ridiculous. Someday it will all make sense.

At least I'll be able to see next week.

Here's my round-by-round breakdown of the Mock LLFD:

Round 1

Couch (Film)	Sasha (Media)	Alexei (Model/Athlete)		Juan (Music)
Jessica Alba	Melyssa Ford	Natasha Yi		Shakira
Rosario Dawson	Vanessa Minillo	Laetitia Casta		Christina Milian
Kate Beckinsale	Tyra Banks	Danica Patrick		Beyonce
Monica Sweetheart	Lala	Anna Kournikova		J-Lo

What I Liked: Juan taking Shakira with the fourth pick, successfully ruining my sleeper strategy of taking her in the second round.
What I Didn't Like: Sasha taking Melyssa Ford second overall in the Media category, though it was a creative pick. Pre-Super Bowl appearance, that was a reach. Juan and I both had her tabbed as a backup Model/Athlete (his 2nd, my 3rd) , which was our fifth round target.
Who the F*ck? Easily Natasha Yi, who while exceptionally hot, was not on any non-Alexei list.

Round 2

Couch (Music)

Sasha (Film)

Alexei (TV)

Juan (TV)

	Shakira	Zoe Saldana	Kristen Kreuk	Eva Longaria
	Christina Milian	Ayana Angel	Eva Longoria	Alyssa Milano
	Avril	Rachel McAdams	Portia de Rossi	Nikki Cox
	Beyonce	Jenna Jameson	Mary Louise Parker	Jessica Biel

What I Liked: Eva Longoria and Kristin Kreuk were both solid picks here, with Alexei foiling my catch-everyone-sleeping intended pick of Kreuk on the coming wraparound.
What I Didn't Like: Sasha taking Zoe Saldana. Chalk this one up to personal taste, but no one else had her on his list. He could've waited on this one.
Who the F*ck? Alexei earns this one for the second straight round after professing his love for Asians and Latinas with curves before putting two of the skinniest white chicks in Hollywood (Portia de Rossi and Mary-Louise Parker) as backups.

Round 3

Couch (TV Actress)

Sasha (Model/Athlete)

Alexei (Film)

Juan (Film)

	Kristin Kreuk	Esther Baxter	Kelly Hu	Jessica Alba
	Jennifer Love Hewitt	Vida Guerra	Jessica Alba	Eva Mendes
	Eva Longoria	Ki-Toy Johnson	Eva Mendes	Kate Beckinsale
	Rachel Bilson	Jennie Finch	Neve Cambell	Angelina Jolie

What I Liked: Kelly Hu and Esther Baxter. Hu wasn't on anyone else's list, but I would have had her somewhere if I had remembered her before the draft. Gotta do that research.
What I Didn't Like: Taking Jennifer Love Hewitt this high. But I underestimated Alexei's Asian Sensations. She's a solid pick to settle for.
Who the F*ck? I'd give it to Alexei again for having Neve Campbell as a backup, but I'll throw this one Juan's way for Kate Beckinsale. She hot, but I didn't think I was gonna get comp from Juan on that. But I see you, Suazo.

Round 4

Couch (U-21k)

Sasha (TV)

Alexei (Media)

Juan (Plus-37)

Lindsay Lohan	Sofia Vergara	Morgan Webb	Salma Hayek
Kate Todd	Kristen Bell	Veronica De La Cruz	Halle Berry
Keira Knightley	Jennie Garth	Tyra Banks	Catherine Zeta Jones
Cassie Steele	Nikki Cox	Brooke Burke	Janet Jackson

What I Liked: Salma Hayek was a great pick here. Totally unexpected, but completely justified. Sofia Vergara at TV actress was another bit of inspired selecting by Sasha, and screwed me out of getting her.
What I Didn't Like: Lindsay Lohan was high here, but it was one of those make-sure-I'm-gonna-get-her picks, which is a solid risk considering I controlled the turn.
Who the F*ck? Congratulations to Alexei for extending his record to four straight rounds (technically). I had never even seen or heard of Morgan Webb before this cat submitted his list. And I work on the magazine floor of a bookstore.

Round 5

Couch (M/A)

Sasha (Plus-37)

Alexei (Plus-37)

Juan (M/A)

	Sofia Vergara	Jennifer Beals	Monica Bellucci	Vida Guerra
	Stacey Dash	Courtney Cox	Téa Leoni	Esther Baxter
	Carmen Electra	Jerry Hall	Teri Hatcher	Melyssa Ford
	Melyssa Ford	Madonna	Jane Seymour	Brooke Burke

What I Liked: Monica Bellucci and Vida Guerra, both going about where one could expect.
What I Didn't Like: Not much. Even this round's one backup, Stacey Dash, is beyond solid.
Who the F*ck? Jennifer Beals. Without a doubt. To his credit, he was searching for "over 37 celebrities" on Google and found this article.

Round 6

Couch (Media)

Sasha (Music)

Alexei (U-21k)

Juan (Media)

Maria Menunos	Keyshia Cole	Maria Sharapova	Mayra Veronica
Liz Cho	Christina Milian	Lindsay Lohan	Daisy Fuentes
Tyra Banks	Beyonce	Amanda Bynes	Sofia Vergara
Sam Ryan	Alicia Keys	Michelle Wie	Tyra Banks

What I Liked: Maria Sharapova as a U-21 Keeper. Great use of dual eligibility there.
What I Didn't Like: Getting Maria Menunos because I assumed she'd be taken. Liz Cho, wherever you are, holla atcha boy. I still got love.
Who the F*ck? Michelle Wie. I know my boy's got the Yellow Fever, but it's starting to make him delusional.

Round 7

Couch (Plus-37)

Sasha (U-21k)

Alexei (Music)

Juan (U-21k)

	Maria Bello	Mila Kunis	Alicia Keys	Lil Girl of 7th heaven
	Jennifer Lopez	Kaylee DeFer	Gwen Stefani	Jamie-Lynn Spears
	Lauren Graham	Hilary Duff	Posh Spice	Lindsay Lohan
	Heather Locklear	Dakota Fanning (in 10 years)	Mandy Moore	Hilary Duff

What I Liked: Mila Kunis and Alicia Keys, both great final selections.
What I Didn't Like: Sasha putting Kaylee DeFer second. He ganked my keeper sleeper.
Who the F*ck? The "Lil' Girl From 7th Heaven"? Juan didn't even know this chick's name! (Mackenzie Rosman--ed.) And she's 12. Okay, 16. So it goes.

And that should wrap up our initial mock draft. Let me know what you think.

To make reading about the Laminated List Fantasy Draft easier on any newbies, here's a link list to the entries in order:

1. The proposal
2. The Starting Six and Keeper rules
3. The "However You Know Him" Clause
4. The "PL"
5. Defining the lineup, foreign chicks, the Redraft rule, and The "BPP"
6. Playboy, Porn and the Mock LLFD
7. The pre-Mock E-Mail Onslaught
8. The initial Mock LLFD
9. Sasha's statistical analysis
10. Successful scores and the franchise

That's where we are as of now. I've successfully recruited my boy Akie to join our group, so we're up to five. After seeing how the mock shook out, we're targeting eight, with a potential jump to ten if we can swing it.

BTW, taking Jessica Alba first overall seems to be the people's choice. Also, while Juan, Alexei and I questioned Sasha taking Melyssa Ford so high (No. 2), it now seems prescient. Alexei however, blew his wad (and his cover) on Natasha Yi (No. 3), who didn't make the askmen.com cut, as well as being someone he could have stashed at the bottom of his mock list and took as a sleeper in the actual draft. As for Juan, there's really no arguing with Shakira and Eva Longoria back-to-back on the turnaround, in either order. That's my brief first-round analysis. I might come back with a fuller version later today.

A non-LLFD thought:

I live in a world of uncertainty, in which nothing makes sense until it does, and nothing doesn't make sense until it happens and hasn't.