Here it is, folks: the second half (Rounds 6-10) analysis of the DSM LLFD. (First Half) Things got interesting here as drafting by need became the rule of the day. Major surprises, both in picks made and picks available to scavenge at the end.

Drafter codes: AL = Alexei | AN = Andy | B = Brendan | C = Couch | SA = Sasha | SU = Juan Suazo

ROUND 6
Rachel McAdams - SA, Monica Bellucci - AL, Anna Kournikova - SU, Evangeline Lilly -B, Maria Menuonos - C, Gretchen Mol - AN

Initial Reaction: How did we all forget about Evangeline Lilly?

On Second Thought: Really, this was just a good round all around. Well done, fellas.

Final Thoughts: This was quite a round. Not a bad choice in the bunch. Unless you saw Rounders, in which case you're unable to look at Gretchen Mol without wanting to throw shoes at her. This is where Sasha's Melyssa Ford mishap actually had consequences. By drafting Ford to fill his Media spot, when she should be a TVP, he cost himself one TC spot during the replacement process. Ford slid from ME to TVP, Pressly went to TC (Active), Vergara went to TC (Bench) and then because McAdams was ineligible for P37M, U21 or 24k positions, she was bumped from his list. The empty ME/A spot has been filled with Tanith Belbin, who might well have been a 6th rounder had anyone remembered her on the spot.

ROUND 7
Amanda Bynes -AN, Ashley Olsen - C, Gwen Stefani - B, Rachel Bilson - SU, Mischa Barton - AL, Mila Kunis - SA

Initial Reaction: Did I really just pick Ashley Olsen as a U24k?

On Second Thought: Yeah, I did. Crap.

Final Thoughts: Andy led things off with a solid U21k pick in Bynes, followed by me absolutely panicking because I didn't want to waste my second TC. The Olsen pick was followed by the selection of Rachel Bilson, Mila Kunis and Nikki Reed, proving only that I needed to think to find a suitable alternative. Not to mention that Avril Lavigne would have been an ideal candidate there. Gosh. Was not thinking. Outside of that, everyone went for need and filled spots appropriately.

ROUND 8
Maria Bello - SA, Liz Cho (ABC-7 NYC) - AL, Buffie the Body - SU, Naomie Harris (28 Days Later) - B, Heather Locklear - C, Nikki Reed - AN

Initial Reaction: Damn it! Why didn't I think of Nikki Reed? I watch the stupid O.C.!

On Second Thought: Naomie who? Ooooh -- her.

Final Thoughts: Sash was all hype about his big Plus-37 M.I.L.F. sleeper, which he began plugging several rounds in advance. However, when it turned out to be Bello, who I took in the last mock draft, I was disappointed, both in Sash's sleeper not being completely out of left field (like, say, his Jennifer Beals pick in the MD) and that I wouldn't be selecting Ms. Bello for my own list. However, I did snag Locklear, which I felt was doubly good considering she's single as of lat month. Also, it was amusing to watch Juan pick Buffie the Body and then say, "Yeah, she's busted. But that ass ..."

ROUND 9
Rachel Hunter - AN, Monica Sweetheart - C, Tyra Banks - B, Hayden Panettiere (Remember the Titans) - SU, Christina Aguilera - AL, Keyshia Cole - SA

Initial Reaction: Tyra! Why, Lord? Why not me?

On Second Thought: Really? Nobody had taken Tyra by the 9th?

Final Thoughts: Brendan easily wins this round for tabbing Tyra this late. Juan's Panettiere pick was solid (and Sasha-driven). Alexei's selection of Christina Aguilera as a U24k was shrewd. And Sasha kept up his streak of most obvious and uncreative picks (save for Pressly in Round 2) by taking the sixth of his seven selections from the initial mock.

ROUND 10
Teairra Mari, Sarah Chalke, Michelle Rodriguez, Kaylee DeFer (The War at Home), Jennifer Love Hewitt, Devon Striker

Initial Reaction: Michelle Rodriguez for Lost! Brilliant!

On Second Thought: Whoa ... I still got JLH.

Final Thoughts: While this round was defined by drafting for need (Sash, Brendan - U21k; Couch, Suazo - TVA; Andy - MO and Alexei - TC) everyone did quite well for themselves. Sash broke out Mari with fervor, setting the tone for the quality of the final round selections. Alexei's Chalke pick was very solid for Round 10. Suazo's Rodriguez TV choice was outstanding, Brendan's (Couch-aided) U21k pick of DeFer was quality, JLH was my TV target the whole time and Andy's Striker pick closed things out on a very hot note. This round, and the draft as a whole, gets the BC Seal of Approval.

Final Lists

Active:
Maria Sharapova - A
Penelope Cruz - FA
Devon Striker - MO
Fergie - MU
Jennifer Connelly - TC
Rebecca Romijin - TVA

Bench:
Gretchen Mol - TC
Rachel Hunter - P37M
Nikki Reed - U24k
Amanda Bynes - U21k

Active:
Jessica Alba - FA
Maria Menuonos - ME
Mayra Veronica - MO
Beyonce - MU
Anna Benson - TC
Jennifer Love Hewitt - TVA

Bench:
Monica Sweetheart - TC
Heather Locklear - P37M
Avril Lavigne (orig. Ashley Olsen) - U24k
Lindsay Lohan - U21k

Active:
Katie Holmes - FA
Tyra Banks - ME
Laetitia Casta - MO
Gwen Stefani - MU
Heather Kozar - TC
Evangeline Lilly - TVA

Bench:
Naomie Harris - ME
Christina Fernandez de Kirchner - P37M
Scarlett Johansson - U24k
Kaylee DeFer - U21k

Kristin Kreuk - TVA

Bench:
Sarah Chalke - TC
Monica Bellucci - P37M
Christina Aguilera - U24k
Mischa Barton - U21k

Active:
Tanith Belbin (orig. Rachel McAdams) - A
Melyssa Ford - TVP (orig. ME)
Jamie Pressly - TC (orig. TVA)
Esther Baxter - MO
Keyshia Cole - MU
Zoe Saldana - FA

Bench:
Sofia Vergara - TC
Maria Bello - P37M
Mila Kunis - U24k
Teairra Mari - U21k

Hottest girls I can immediately think of that got left out:
Mariah Carey, Eva Mendes, Kate Beckinsale, Avril Lavigne, Jessica Simpson, Sienna Miller, Hilary Swank, Adrianna Lima, Heidi Klum, Danica Patrick, Jennie Finch, Pam Anderson, Stacey Dash, Paris Hilton, Morgan Webb, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Janet Jackson, Mandy Moore, Lauryn Hill, Denise Richards, Kelly Monaco, Stacy Kiebler, Eve, (Pre-KFed) Britney Spears, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Nicole Kidman, Michelle Pfeiffer, Demi Moore, Sharon Stone, Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Free, LaLa, Pink, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kirsten Dunst and Kristin Cavalleri. And Rosario Dawson. And Alexis Biedel. And Lucy Liu. And ... And ... And ... I'm done.

And Uma Thurman. And Vivica Fox. And Nia Long and Angela Bassett. Damn it. I'm stopping.

The first-half of a round-by-round analysis of the LLFD Drunken Speed Mock follows. I will post the second half either tomorrow or Friday.

Drafter codes: AL = Alexei | AN = Andy | B = Brendan | C = Couch | SA = Sasha | SU = Juan Suazo

ROUND 1
Penelope Cruz - AN, Jessica Alba - C, Scarlett Johansson - B, Shakira - SU, Kristin Kreuk - AL, Melyssa Ford - SA

Initial Reaction: Penelope F*ING Cruz?!?!

On Second Thought: Seriously. Penelope Cruz went first. Can we think about this?

Final Thoughts: All solid picks. Everyone got who they wanted, even if some of who they wanted could have been taken much later (*COUGH* Penelope *COUGH*). Kreuk was arbitrarily elevated to first-round status by Alexei, who had to know Sash wouldn't select her. It would have been much more fun to watch him take Ford and then observe Sasha's head turn every different shade of angry. Inadvertedly, Sash cost himself Rachel McAdams with this pick because of a misclassification of Ford as a Media Personality that I signed off on at the time. More to come on that later.

ROUND 2
Jamie Pressly - SA, Eva Longoria - AL, Christina Milian - SU, Katie Holmes - B, Beyonce- C, Jennifer Connelly - AN

Initial Reaction: Sash picked a white girl?!?!

On Second Thought: Sash picked a white girl. Read that again.

Final Thoughts: The intra-squad sabotage begins. Following Sasha's stunner, Alexei screwed Juan by taking Longoria directly in front of him. Juan responded by hijacking Milian, shrewdly slotting her as his Film Actress to keep open a Taster's Choice slot. Brendan's Holmes pick was miles too high, but to his credit, he had no idea what he was doing. And she did just come off the PL. Beyonce somehow skyrocketed to second-round status for me after not being picked in the original mock. As for Jennifer Connelly, I'm only letting that pick slide if Andy was thinking about the end of Requiem for a Dream, which while not sexy in the movie, is quite sexually intriguing in theory. (If you don't know, watch it, and you will. Oh, how you will.)

ROUND 3
Maria Sharapova - AN, Mayra Veronica - C, Laetitia Casta - B, Vida Guerra - SU, Alicia Keys - AL, Esther Baxter - SA

Initial Reaction: There was enough booty in this round to feed Africa.

On Second Thought: Sharapova's slimness might offset all of it.

Final Thoughts: The first pick of this round easily offered the most hilarity, because seconds after I picked Mayra as a revenge shot at Juan, Andy goes, "Wait? Did I pick the one that dates the hockey players or the one that was good at tennis?" I said, "Good at tennis." His face fell through the bottom of the bar. The rest of the round was very solid, with the noted exception of the backstabbing going too far when Alexei took Keys and rubbed it in Sasha's face; he forgot he took her four rounds later in our last mock.

ROUND 4

Zoe Saldana - SA, Natasha Yi - AL, Salma Hayek - SU, Heather Kozar - B, Lindsay Lohan - C, Fergie - AN

Initial Reaction: People our age want to sleep with Heather Kozar? And, dude? Fergie?

On Second Thought: Fergie does have her humps, her humps, her lovely lady lumps.

Final Thoughts: This round kicked off with Sash once again pouncing on Saldana rounds before anyone else would remember she was on the board. I might have done the same thing with La Lohan, but Under-21 girls are like the catchers of fantasy baseball -- there's quality at the top, and then all of a sudden you're stuck with Jason Kendall. Alexei self-corrected and took Natasha Yi in a much more reasonable spot than third overall. Somebody must have helped moderate our boy's Yellow Fever.

ROUND 5

Rebecca Romijin - AN, Anna Benson - C, Christina Fernandez de Kirchner (First Lady of Argentina) - B, Halle Berry - SU, Kelly Hu - AL, Sofia Vergara - SA

Initial Reaction: Christina who?

On Second Thought: Nope, Alexei's case of Yellow Fever remains severe.

Final Thoughts: Andy's lead pick of Romijin was solid, especially considering she slotted in as a TV actress with the debut of Pepper Dennis this month. I was sold on Anna Benson after her FHM spread. (Good gosh.) And Suazo made sure that Halle would make her LLFD debut. (As a 5th rounder? Who would've thunk it?) As for our triple-named First Lady, well, she was probably pretty once. But she does make for an interesting Plus-37 M.I.L.F.

Lists by Round 5:

Andy
Maria Sharapova - A
Penelope Cruz - FA
Fergie - MU
Jennifer Connelly - TC
Rebecca Romijin - TVA
Positions Remaining (Active): MO
Positions Remaining (Bench): TC, P37M, U24k, U21k

Couch
Jessica Alba - FA
Mayra Veronica - MO
Beyonce - MU
Anna Benson - TC
Lindsay Lohan - U21k
Positions Remaining (Active): TVA, ME/A
Positions Remaining (Bench): TC, P37M, U24k

Brendan
Katie Holmes - FA
Laetitia Casta - MO
Christina Fernandez de Kirchner - P37M
Heather Kozar - TC
Scarlett Johansson - U24k

With Sasha in town this weekend and the core LLFD partcipants of me, Juan, Alexei and Sash (sorry, Ak) at a bar, we had no choice but to enact a special, one-time-only, no preparation, 30- seconds-per-pick version of the LLFD. We recruited two newbies, Andy and Brendan, to flesh out the competition, which this time was quite stiff. Draft order was determined by drawing straws (word to Erin and Michelle): Andy, Couch, Brendan, Juan, Alexei, Sasha. An ordered list of picks follows, with a more organized version and analysis to come:

Round 1
Penelope Cruz, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Shakira, Kristin Kreuk, Melyssa Ford

Round 2
Jamie Pressley, Eva Longoria, Christina Milian, Katie Holmes, Beyonce, Jennifer Connelly

Round 3
Maria Sharapova, Mayra Veronica, Laetitia Casta, Vida Guerra, Alicia Keys, Esther Baxter

Round 4
Zoe Saldana, Natasha Yi, Salma Hayek, Heather Kozar, Lindsay Lohan, Fergie

Round 5
Rebecca Romijin, Anna Benson, Christina Fernandez de Kirchner (First Lady of Argentina), Halle Berry, Kelly Hu, Sofia Vergara

Round 6
Rachel McAdams, Monica Bellucci, Anna Kournikova, Evangeline Lily, Maria Menuonos, Gretchen Mol

Round 7
Amanda Bynes, Ashley Olson, Gwen Stefani, Rachel Bilson, Mischa Barton, Mila Kunis

Round 8
Maria Bello, Liz Cho (ABC-7 NYC), Buffie the Body, Naomie Harris (28 Days Later), Heather Locklear, Nikki Reed

Round 9
Rachel Hunter, Monica Sweetheart, Tyra Banks, Hayden Panettiere(Remember the Titans), Christina Aguilera, Keyshia Cole

Round 10
Teairra Mari, Sarah Chalke, Michelle Rodriguez, Kaylee DeFer (The War at Home), Jennifer Love Hewitt, Devon Striker

And there you have it. The obvious shocker is Penelope Cruz going first, along with some of the vicious backbiting and stealing of picks between Juan, Sash, Alexei and myself. Ramped up to six people, there was stiff competition and many, many new faces on the board. Check back for the full analysis, and prepare for the update at The LLFD Web site.

P.S.
The draft was snake style, so it went Andy to Sasha in Round 1, and then reversed each round thereafter. I know that forces you to think a little if you're trying to match up selections to participants, but the positional list will come soon. Be patient, young Skywalker.

Since I haven't blessed y'all with an update in a minute, here's a round of Instant Message Madness:

How to ruin your reputation in eight IMs or less, by Ben Couch (Apr. 11):

The Swill Barber (8:38:02 PM): all good
The Swill Barber (8:38:05 PM): aight... i'm out
The Swill Barber (8:38:16 PM): goin ta chill with my boy alexei
The Swill Barber (8:38:26 PM): that's way more gay than i intended
The Swill Barber (8:38:38 PM): i was going for a "my friend, not yours anymore" kinda vibe
The Swill Barber (8:38:50 PM): instead, i win unintentional homo of the year
The Swill Barber (8:38:53 PM): crap
The Swill Barber (8:39:20 PM): yo ... can we pretend that one-way exchange just never happened?
helios483 (8:39:49 PM): hahahah
helios483 (8:39:54 PM): that shit was so brokeback
helios483 (8:40:02 PM): you're lucky i was riveted by Deal or No Deal
helios483 (8:40:08 PM): otherwise i woulda caught you mid type

Reasons why the LLFD is such a great idea:

erinjeter: so I couldnt sleep last night and I started making my draft list
The Swill Barber: well done
erinjeter: I added the, "I swear I'm not a necrophiliac" category to my own list.

Reasons why Sidekicks and drunkeness are not such a great combination (Feb. 13):

pantsproductions: u r laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame

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Auto response from The Swill Barber: recovering from eye correction surgery. will reply sunday

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pantsproductions: aorry I'm drunk
pantsproductions: your my boy
pantsproductions: yiu bettter not fuckim o
pantsproductions: move
pantsproductions: I will be sad
pantsproductions: maaaaad sad son
pantsproductions: everywhere else vs nyc sux
pantsproductions: trust me
pantsproductions: they don't call it the center of the universe fo nothing
pantsproductions: god I'm drunk, peeeeeeaee homie

There's something that's been bugging me recently hip-hop-wise:

the complete and total commercial audience-induced flameout of Bubba Sparxx, as encapsulated by the song "Ms. New Booty" and the corresponding controversy.

Reading the song title, finding out about the controversy and then listening to the track itself, I wanted to stab myself in the eye with a fork until I wasn't seeing any of this happen.

It's a dirty little secret of the industry, but Sparxx's second album, Deliverance, was one of the best records of 2004. Backed by Timbaland's dense country landscapes, Sparxx made a record that was soulful, completely cohesive and unmistakably American. Timbaland dug deep into the country crates for a slew of home-fried barnyard beats born of rural America, while Bubba's country drawl located and brought an anything-but-urban reality to the record. He poured everything into that album, writing a wrenching ode to the one that got away ("She Tried"), songs about uplift in the face of obstacles ("Overcome") and just enjoying himself and his rural background ("Back in the Mud"). He and Timbaland tried to win the 4H Fair and earned first prizes across the board.

But this isn't about the reasons I (and so many critics) liked Deliverance. It's about the aftermath of that album's release.

It flopped.

Didn't even go gold. Sold something like 350,000 copies. One of the best records of the year didn't go GOLD. And he was on a major label. In an interview with Hip Hop DX, Bubba discusses the effect Deliverance's flop had on him, culminating in this exchange:

Bubba Sparxx: You know what they say about good reviews.
HipHopDX: What’s that?
Bubba Sparxx: A dollar and a good review will get you a Coca-Cola. Deliverance was very critically acclaimed, shit almost put me in the poor house. I don’t really give a fuck about critical acclaim anymore [laughs].

He uses this as the reason he made Ms. New Booty, an admittedly commercial track about women with big butts, with a popular producer of the moment (Mr. Collipark), aiming solely to get radio spins. This is a guy who wrote an entire song detailing a relationship and apologizing for his boorish behavior when he realized he let the one get away, not in an attempt to win her back, but to thank her for allowing him to grow and change and learn from the experience. And it worked! Ms. New Booty is a top-ten record. It's in another top ten as well -- Top Ten songs from this year that no one is going to remember or feel the need to play once that next hot single comes out.

It's a microcosm of this entire Houston rap scene. Does anyone really believe we're going to be checking Mike Jones and Chamillionaire records in ten years? Five? We're gonna run with Scarface, some T.I. and UGK, maybe even a lil Paul Wall, but that's it. Almost none of this music has staying power. But it's selling crazy amounts of records. People must need a lot of coasters, and unfortunately, Bubba's new album, The Charm, is another one on the pile.

The commercial hip-hop machine (label for not properly promoting, audience for not properly listening) destroyed Bubba Sparxx's ambition. And that makes me sad. At least he already made the record of his life.